The bad news:
While details are still sketchy, I can tell you with absolute certainty that the world will end on December 21 at 11:11 p.m., as the Mayan calendar finishes one of its hefty cycles. Apocalypse theorists and a lot of people in lab coats are working against the clock to identify exactly how we will all perish, with some of the more popular ideas being galactic alignment, polar shifts or at the hands of the English-Irish boy band, One Direction. Others are choosing to spend their final days in denial, as evidenced by steady Christmas spending in the month of November. I think these people will be the first to get sucked into the black hole or consumed by the alien mothership.
The compelling evidence:
As it is with any fantastical claim, you gotta check the credibility of the source before you buy into it. The Mayans developed an advanced writing system, performed intercranial surgical procedures and were some of the brightest math nerds on the planet. Apparently, they were really good at making chocolate and weaving, too. So, if the last cycle of their calendar system is set to expire this year, I’m open to the idea that maybe they knew something I don’t. Or, perhaps I’m more inclined to eat up these resulting doomsday prophecies because…
I just want to party!
So here’s the good news. When the inevitable end reaches our planet, it will be greeted by the biggest party in the galaxy. You gotta make your precious last hours count, and you’re gonna be pretty disappointed if the apocalypse comes and you’re in a mall surrounded by last-minute-Christmas-shopping strangers. Or it could be a welcome relief in that situation. But decide where you want to be before it’s too late. We’ve hunted down a few options and listed them below. Another positive: these parties are guaranteed hangover-free!
End the World with iSPY Magazine featuring DJZU and DJX10Sive on December 21 at 9 p.m. at Woodruff’s.
Necto Voltage presents End of the World Party featuring Fedde Le Grand with dBerrie and Doddsy at 9 p.m. on November 28 at Necto Nightclub
Armageddon 2012: Let the CHAOS Begin at 7 p.m. on December 15 at Crimson Nightclub in Riverview
Tree Town Sound presents The End of the World Party featuring Absofacto, Celsius Electronics, Flash Clash, Wild at Heart and DJ Ell at 9:30 p.m. on December 20 at the Blind Pig
End of Days Party featuring Sander van Doorn and Topher Jones at 9 p.m. on December 21 at Elektricity Nightclub in Pontiac
The Official “End of the World Zombie Christmas Bash” presented by Zombie Nation Detroit at 9 p.m. on December 21 at Jazz Café in Detroit (Note: depending on how the world ends, it may be tough to distinguish costumed attendees from actual flesh-eaters)